Written by Dale Dolittle
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Monday, 12 July 2010

image for Rochdale AFC commercial department welcome new staff member
Paul relaxing with his agent yesterday

Rochdale FC commercial department have today announced the employment of 'Paul the Psychic octopus'.

After the cephalopod mollusk's fantastic performance in predicting several outcomes of recent World Cup fixtures, the Lancashire outfit stepped in, to hire Paul to help run the failing retail department.

Stuart Ashworth, Rochdale AFC project manager, said today that, he was looking forward to working with the eight legged sea creature in a bid to help with sales in the shop. 'We, as a department, have been struggling to sell our merchandise recently, and believe that Paul with his un-nerving knack of predicting the future will boost sales for new lines that we hope to stock in the shop'.

'We have already constructed a tank in the shop and will lower two types of merchandise in and hope that our new recruit, Paul, will settle on one and then its all systems go! We'll order by the thousands.'

'Last season our selection policy on mechandise was positively medieval in comparision, and to be fair we have sold some right old tat of late, but we hope that Paul will drag us into the 21st century, as well as punters through the door', joked Ashworth.

As soon as the 'octo-celebrity' touches down at Manchester airport later this week, he will have to 'hit the pool running' said Ashworth. Two products have to be tested before going on sale - the new home and away shirt are awaiting to be tested, which is a 'tough ask' stated Stuart and Paul might 'stuggle to choose one as the sponsors name may peel off the Cabrini shirts in the water tank, and cover the octopus's eyes'.

'We'll see how we go, but he has got to be better than last season's blind children with a pin' sighed Stuart

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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