Football fans the world over gave thanks to God last night that Spain won the World Cup, in a monumental triumph of artistry and skill against a Dutch team who simply tried to kick anybody within touching distance.
The Dutch team, long lauded for total football, resorted to total martial arts in a sustained assault on the Spanish team, with kung-fu kicks and karate moves which would have made Eric Cantona (Mon Dieu Qui Qui - JO) look like a pacifist.
Thankfully, a goal by Andreas Iniesta of Barcelona decided the outcome, providing conclusive proof that the Dutch have become reduced to a bunch of either divers, or (stereotypically) cloggers.
Even the BBC pundits came out in favour of the Spanish team, hailing it as a victory for the team who came to play football.
Although it wasn't all heartbreak for the Dutch, as Van Bommel picked up the Poisoned Chalice award for being the luckiest dirty bastard in a World Cup Finals series to get through without a red card.
Skoob Sports News would have brought you more on this story, but our man's a bit bollocksed after celebrating a triumph of artistry over booting your opponent eight feet in the air.
ESPANA - CAMPIONES DEL MUNDO!
Nuff said really.
More when we sober up.