Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 13 July 2010

image for Jimmy Savile Implicated In Nigeria World Cup Match-fixing Scandal
A dapper-looking Savile: Oaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoa!. How's about that then, guys and gal

World football's governing body, FIFA, are this morning following a new line of enquiry into the Nigeria World Cup match-fixing scandal by interviewing the pioneering former Radio 1 DJ and TV presenter Jimmy Savile OBE.

Savile, real name Sir James Wilson Vincent Savile OBE, KCSG, was the host of Saturday night favourite Jim'll Fix It, a tea-time show for kids where he would 'fix it' for them to realise 'incredible dreams' such as meeting Noel Edmonds, and other such shit.

Now, the Leeds-born, cigar-smoking nutcase finds himself in the spotlight after Nigerian PM Goodluck Jonathan drew attention to his country by banning the national football team from all competition for two years as a resul;t of their 'poor performances' at the World Cup in South Africa.

Nigerian visitors to Savile's Roundhay Park flat recently aroused the suspicion of his neighbours who alerted police, and 24-hour surveillance was mounted. A team of crack security police watched the flat - and did crosswords - from an unmarked vehicle for two weeks. Sir Jimmy did come out frequently to offer them "a cup of tea, as it 'appens".

When we asked the former top DJ for his take on the case, he sat on his front steps clad in a shell suit and masses of gold jewellery, and told us:

"How's about that, then? Now then, now then, now then. Goodness gracious! Now then, now then, now then, guys and gals!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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