Miami, FL - Not two hours after LeBron James announced he would be playing for the Miami Heat next season, every season ticket has sold out and a waiting list with more than 10,000 names was generated in case some of those lucky enough to get season tickets have to forfeit them due to death or illness.
"I've never seen anything like it," said Miami Heat General Manager. "We so made the right decision offering this spot to James, the all-NBA, all-star player every season since 2005. We knew all along he'd choose us over Cleveland, especially since his mom was the deciding factor."
James' mom, Gloria, has wanted to move to Miami since before LeBron became a basketball star, but stayed in Cleveland to allow her son the opportunity to grow as a player with the Cleveland Cavaliers. When James became a free agent and Miami was one of the cities on his short list, LeBron could not say no to the woman who sacrificed so much to make his life what it is. "That, and the fact that I'm gonna be living in freakin' South Beach, Miami, Florida-Welcome to Miami," said James, quoting the song "Welcome to Miami" by famous rapper Will Smith. "I been wanting to live there ever since I saw that video. That video is now gonna be my life, man. 'I'll be shootin' some b-ball out by the pool,' ha ha, you know? I'm all like, yeah, this is my life now. So long, Cleveland snow, hello, hello hello, Miami Heat."
To his critics in Cleveland who are calling James a traitor, James had this to say, "ok, I ask you, any one of you, if you had a choice of living in Siberia or on the Rivera, which would you choose? This is just sour grapes because I found a way out of that cold, forbidden city and you didn't. Throw me a frikkin' bone here, will ya?"
But every cloud with a silver lining has a few raindrops within. Poor Gloria James, even with the good fortune of her son's signing with the Heat and becoming one of its most prized players, was too late in calling Ticket Master for her own pair of season tickets. Because of that, she's gonna have to watch her son play his games on ESPN in her 20,000 square foot Miami mansion. Damn the luck.