Written by Charpa93
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Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for Nigerian E-Mail Fraud Money to Bankroll World-Class Soccer Team

Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan has given the Nigerian National Soccer team, the Super Eagles, a reprieve and is allowing them to continue playing the sport as long as some serious changes are made to the entire team structure. Many say that ongoing corruption in the country will prevent him from doing this, but he has a plan-use the corruption to Nigeria's advantage not disadvantage.

Billions of dollars are pouring into Nigeria from e-mail internet fraud and it is making only a handful of Nigerians rich, while others, even their beloved soccer players, are living in poverty. In order to have a world-class team, Nigerians who are making it rich off of the e-mail fraud business are going to have to sacrifice for the good of the entire country. They are being told to give a percentage of their ill-gotten gains to buy a world-class soccer team. "It won't be easy, but it's the only way," said a spokesperson close to Jonathan.

Nigerian leaders have come to the conclusion that many other countries learned long ago," money talks, bullshit walks." In other words, Nigeria is going to have to come up with lots of money to buy a great team or they will continue to have a bullshit team. At least that is what they interpret the saying to mean.

So far, letters of intent to purchase have been sent out to many top World Cup players such as Kaka, Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi, Wayne Rooney and Iker Castillas, among others hoping to get them to consider playing for Nigeria. This is necessary until Nigeria can grow their own team from the ground, or in this case the groin, up. To do that, Nigerian officials have contacted such South African notables as Asamoah Gyan and Michael Essien offering millions of dollars for their sperm for an experimental program whereby Nigeria hopes to breed a long line of soccer stars to ensure their entry into the World Cup for future generations.

So, not long after Nigeria left the World Cup with heads hung low in shame for a pitiful showing many attribute not to the team itself, but to the corrupt way in which the team was handled, it can now look forward to making that corruption work for it in producing one of the best teams in the world that money can buy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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