Written by Stevey G.
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Tuesday, 6 July 2010

image for English Football in Turmoil as Sponsors Depart
'Can I come off? I've laddered my stockings'

It was widely predicted , following England's diabolical performance in the 2010 World Cup, that manager, Fabio Capello, together with some of the decidedly average senior players, would be 'for the chop'.

However, it would appear that it is the FA itself that has become the first casualty, following the England team's sorry performance in South Africa.

A statement has been released today, that Nationwide is expected to end its sponsorship of the national team, when the current four-year contract ends in July.

The Building Society had originally been expected to extend the arrangement for a further four years at the same rate of £20 million, although the FA were at that point hoping to attract as much as £40 million following a successful tournament.

It now looks extremely unlikely that Nationwide will continue with their 11 year association with England at any price.

In a further blow to the FA, OXO have also pulled out of early negotiations regarding potential sponsorship as they felt that association with the England team would make them a 'laughing stock'.

A branding expert offered a bleak assessment of the situation.'The problem is', he said, 'is that the England football team is now associated with embarrassment, they are nothing more than a bunch of clowns'.

With both 'Chipperfields' and 'Billy Smarts' circuses declining the offer, the only hope rests with a potential sponsorship deal with Ann Summers, the sex-toy and accessories store.

Jacqueline Gold(CEO), confirmed that negotiations were currently taking place with the FA in connection with a sponsorship deal regarding the national team.

'We have been keen to sponsor a football team for some time', she said, 'in 2009 we almost secured a deal with Peterborough United, but they were not comfortable with our requirements'.

The main requirement, which will apply to the national team, is that Ann Summers will supply the kit.

'We've yet to decide on the exact details, but our initial thoughts are a sexy nurses uniform for the home kit and perhaps a French-maid for the away kit.' said Ms. Gold.

Ex-England player, commentator and foot-balling pundit Gary Linekar, when asked how he felt about the England squad potentially performing in stockings, suspenders and a saucy outfit repined 'I don't think that would make them look any more f***ing stupid than they already do.'

'Why not go a step further and tie a vibrator to their heads.......f***ing dick-heads', he concluded.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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