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Monday, 5 July 2010

image for Fabio Capello's new book: "Tommy Cooper's training manual for World Cup Glory!"
Tommy Cooper: "Next time the England football team will train at Stonehenge, to help them score goals!"

Waterstones Book Store, Wembley: As ever, Fabio Capello was cracking jokes in good old Tommy Cooper style as he pointed to the picture of the front of 'Tommy Cooper's World Cup Glory' Manual, a must read for all new aspiring international Football Managers.

"Next time the England football team will train at Stonehenge, to help them score goals!"

The whole of Waterstone's book shop was decked out with Fabio Capellos new Tommy Cooper training manual guaranteed to help prepare any international team for the World Cup glory.

In a forward to the book, is Fabio Capello's trade mark motivational tool, which is stuck up around all England the dugouts and all the players bedrooms, the 'trusted' Tommy Cooper joke:

"Tommy Cooper was introduced to the Queen after a Royal Command Performance.

'Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?' said Tommy.

'No, ..." said the Queen, '....but I might not be able to give you a full answer.'

'Do you like football?' said Tommy.

'Well not really ' said the Queen.'

'In that case, ...' said Tommy, '....do you mind if I have your Cup Final Tickets?'

This subtle psychological motivation tool had reaped dividends during the 2010 World Cup Finals and England team were expecting a heroes welcome at Glasgow Airport. Unexpectedly and unfortunately the plane was diverted at the last minute to Heathrow, where they were met by nobody at an isolated part of the airport!!

As we read the forward in Waterstone's Book shop, situated inside the Wembley Stadium Shopping Mall, heavy earth moving equipment rolled by the window as the constant relaying the of the Wembley turf continued, unabated.

Fabio Capello book signing continued with typical Tommy Cooper joking:

"First, you have the option to take 23 fit players to a World Cup Finals. Twenty three players who are at the top of their game. I couldn't even choose 23 players that were not just fitter than the man in the street for the 2010 World Cup, but actually match fit!"

That cheered everybody up and people just burst out laughing in the book shop. Warming to his audience in Tommy Cooper eloquence, Capello continued;

"When did I think I was going to get the time to get the likes of Barry and King match fit when they haven't been that all season? These two players who would appear to have been my first choice were the absolute opposite of my own selection policy of only picking players who were on form for their clubs!"

People just stared at Fabio Capello for coming out with this wizard tactical revelation. Somebody called out, it was a small boy;

"No wonder you are England Manager, Mr Capello! Please may I have your autograph in the front of my copy of Tommy Cooper's World Cup Training Manual?"

Fabio Capello smiled and in Tommy Cooper fashion, replied, "Of course you can son!" As Capello signed the boys book, 'Tommy Cooper', Capello asked the boy;

"So who are your favourite England players?"

"Joe Cole and Peter Crouch!" replied the small boy.

Fabio Capello smiled and said "Maybe you will be England Manager one day!. I took Joe Cole and Peter Crouch to the World Cup but I didn't utilise them! Joe Cole was left to moulder on the bench and Peter Crouch was discarded for the prolific non goal scorer, Emile Heskey!"

Everybody in Waterstone's Book Shop burst out laughing at Fabio Capello's Tommy Cooper wisdom. It was the small boy, who delivered the punch line though;

"Cor, blimey and strike me down Tommy Cooper! No wonder you are England Manager, Mr Capello!

No wonder everybody at the FA thinks that Fabio Capello is a genius and he must carry on with the England Football team's development. It was this style of Tommy Cooper man management techniques by Fabio Capello, that helped England qualify for the World Cup 2010 Finals in South Africa, after the previous England Manager went on 'umbrella leave'…

The first Chapter of Fabio Capello's new book, 'Tommy Cooper's training manual for World Cup Glory!', is undoubtedly the work of a genius as it deals with Wayne Rooney. There printed on the page are the words "Wayne Rooney is the messiah". It reveals that team sheets are now printed on Wayne Rooney headed paper, to reflect the one dimensional nature of the team. This first Chapter reveals why Fabio Capello kept Wayne Rooney on the pitch during England's 2010 World Cup defeat to Germany, when Wazza hadn't scored for 10 games!

Chapter 2 of Tommy Cooper's World Cup Glory book deals with Wayne Rooney's playing partner in the England attacking formation. In typical Tommy Cooper literary panache, the concept of Wazza playing with Jermaine Defoe, a partnership that has rarely, if ever scored together, but was used in England 4-1 defeat against Germany is microscopically analysed. Jermaine Defoe's substitution, the goal scorer in the previous game then goes off, to be replaced by Emile Heskey, who hasn't scored for England, for something like 8 years. After you have read this Chapter, I assure you will speechless!!

Tommy Cooper's World Cup Glory Chapter 3 reveals the procedures involved during the complicated relaying of Wembley pitch and why Peter Crouch wasn't picked during England's four games in the 2010 World Cup. During the 2010 World Cup, Peter Crouch was discarded for the prolific non goal scorer, Emile Heskey! In Tommy Cooper style, you can read all the reasons why!!

It was the small boy, perhaps the next England manager to delivered the punch line of this article;

"Cor, blimey and strike me down Tommy Cooper! No wonder you are England Manager, Mr Capello!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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