Bikinis packed, check. Sunglasses packed, check. Ticket to Rio. Check. Invitation to give some much needed consolation to those hunky Brazilian players? Not so fast there Paris. Your flight has been grounded.
Feeling bad about her favorite team losing the quarter-finals to the Netherlands, Paris Hilton decided that what those poor Brazilian boys needed was a big dose of "Hot" love so she headed straightaway to the airport to accompany them home to Rio. But when the team got wind of Hilton's plans, several team members said "thanks but no thanks, Paris. We'll take Rio women over you anytime."
Paris was crushed. "I had my girl pack thirteen bags, all of them with bikinis and lingerie, I got a fresh Brazilian wax, and I skipped 2 meals a day for the past month. I even hired a tutor to teach me all about soccer so I'd have something in common with these guys. I had planned on working my way from Kaka to Robinho, finishing up with my favorite goalie, Julio Cesar. See? I even know now what a goalie is. He's the guy who stands in front of the net thingie looking hot."
Finally realizing her dream night wasn't going to happen, Hilton dejectedly went to Plan B, "I suppose now I have to go back to that awful African country and pick another favorite team. I just hate it when I'm not invited to the after-party. With my luck, I'm gonna end up having to speak German all night long while riding the bullet train to Berlin."