Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 3 July 2010

image for Holland Beat Brazil After 'Halftime Wank'
The Jules Rimet trophy

There were celebrations in Holland last night, as the unfancied Dutch World Cup team overcame the giants of South American football, Brazil, in their exciting 2-1 quarter final in Port Elizabeth.

Holland had to come back from being a goal down, and manager Bert van Marwijk told a Press conference afterwards that the reason for his team's splendid second half display was a 'halftime team wank'.

Dutch coaches are well-known for their radical methods, and this one certainly worked last night, as van Marwijk explained:

"I had the team line up in front of me, and then I showed them pictures of that Bella Emberg, who used to star in the Russ Abbott show. She's fat, but she is a sexy lady in Holland! Then they yanked themselves off at top speed. This is what relaxed us and gave us the extra confidence to go on and win in the second half."

Asked if he thought his side could go all the way, van Marwijk laughed:

"We already did! We are all sick bastards in Holland!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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