Unreliable sources reliably inform us unreliably that John Terry and Steven Gerrard are to holiday together in Benidorm with their respective partners in a teambuilding cum bonding exercise - following England's monumental World Cup fuck up, which they apparently were instrumental in delivering.
It has been suggested that Vanessa Perroncel and Stevie G's sister in law wont be invited. A Sweet FA spokesperson - who hasn't actually shagged everybody at the Sweet FA - told us:
"It'll be good for the lads and their families. They'll be staying in a two star high rise hotel that does a full English breakfast which has Stella on tap, and it'll give them a chance to reconcile their differences. Hopefully it'll give them an insight into Spanish life and culture which will smooth the transition for JT from Chelsea to Real Madrid, and Stevie G for his megabucks transfer to Barcelona giants, Espanyol. It's a win-win situation."
Back home, opinions between the England team's two remaining fans who hadn't as yet pissed on their England flags and burnt them in the back garden, were divided.
Lawrence Mussel, of Morecambe, said that he hoped it worked out and that he totally understood why some people in high pressure situations sometimes lose the plot, blaming the burden of expectation.
Archie Elbow, of Chadderton was less forgiving, saying that if they concentrated on their football rather than shagging anything with a pulse, they could have cheered up a beleaguered nation.
"Fuck it," he said. "If they don't give a toss, then neither do I. In fact I'm going to piss on my flag and burn it in the back garden. And why not? That's what they did."
More as we get it.