Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 30 June 2010

image for England Back In World Cup! Will Play Argentina On Saturday!
Custodian of the German net: Man You Knew!

In an amazing turnaround, world football's governing body, FIFA, have this evening announced that, after hours of deliberation and viewing videotape evidence of the Germany v. England match which the Germans won 4-1, they have decided that a disputed England goal should have stood, and that it should be Fabio Capello's men that progress to the quarter finals.

The extraordinary events have taken the England players by complete surprise, not least because they are all back home in their boozers, preparing to watch the Final from where they normally watch it - in front of the telly.

Tonight though, the English FA were hurriedly trying to contact the squad to get them back to South Africa for their next match with Argentina.

FIFA officials met yesterday to discuss the incident, ostensibly to make a decision on 'goal line technology', but during the talks, it became apparent that there was a more-than-sympathetic feeling towards the English team, and the discussion went off at something of a tangent.

Three hours later, FIFA boss Sepp Blatter emerged to tell the massed members of the Press that, as England should have pulled level at 2-2, and because they were, at that time, in the ascendancy, they would not have had to have pushed forward in such great numbers in the second half, and Germany would not have scored their crucial all-the-difference-making third and fourth goals - at least, not by breakaways. The panel of officials even reasoned that the English pre-halftime purple patch might have spilled over into the second half, and that they might easily have gone on to score more goals in the second half, possibly winning by as much as 7-2. It was, therefore, decided that England should go through, and that Germany should be booted out, with that cheating bloody goalkeeper, Manuel Neuer, who knew the ball was over the line, coming in for 'special treatment.

He has received a life ban from the World Cup.

That's what happened in my dream, anyway.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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