England's laughing cavalier duo, Ashley Cole and Ledley King have been sensationally linked with a move to Bayern Munich.
Which may go some way towards explaining England's dire World Cup performances.
Sources report that Cole and King had been approached by Bayern officials prior to the England team's departure to South Africa. To date, there have been no substantiated reports suggesting impropriety, or that the duo had anything against their England team-mates, but suspicions were aroused when the pair were seen laughing and joking only hours after England's World Cup humiliation in Bloemfontein.
"Look at 'em," sneered England fan, Landov Hopeandglory, as he watched TV footage of the pair larking about while the rest of the country wrung their hands in anguish. "They look like they don't give a flying intercourse that we got knocked out. What a pair of bastards. They should splash this all over the tabloid front pages. They're probably both going to sign for Bayern Munich once they get over their tiredness. The least they could do to appease the fans is look fucking miserable like Capello. Wankers."
More as we get it.