Written by IainB
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Monday, 28 June 2010

image for Sepp Blatter on goal-line technology: "It's fine the way it is"
Left camera: "Is it in?" Right camera: "Dunno, the ref's stood in the way."

Sepp Blatter, head of the FIFA, the world soccer body, has announced that there is no need for goal-line technology, even after Frank Lampard's goal for England in the world cup went unseen by the Uruguayan officials.

"Es ist gut die wie es ist," Blatter said, speaking in his native German tongue.

Swiss born Blatter, 74, has been the head of FIFA since 1998, and has been unanimously re-elected every time since, as nobody has ever dared to stand against him. Some believe that it is his age that means he is against the use of technology in football, however he claims that consulting a video would slow the game down, despite it having no affect on the speed of tennis, ice-hockey, rugby and cricket. Although the latter is slow anyway. His inability to work a CD player has no bearing on his decision.

A simple ball recognising camera in the goal can tell if it has crossed the line, and alert the referee so he can decide if it went in legally or not.

Mark Hughes has come out in favour of the technology, as the Welsh striker has seen one of his Southampton goals denied when it hit the hoardings and came out during a match with Leeds. This has prompted Totenham's Pedro Mendez to also support goal-line technology, citing Manchester United's Roy Carroll's save whilst two yards behind the line in 2005.

Back in 1997, Bolton were relegated at the expense of Everton, after Garry Taggert's goal crossed the line before Phelan cleared. Taggart is philosophical about it: "It's football, init, sh" he said. "It happens."

At a press conference Blatter had one final argument.

"The final score was 4-1, so it don't matter that we, I mean the Germans, went through. England just aren't good enough, live with it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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