Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: The Spoof

Monday, 28 June 2010

image for I Will Relinquish Top Spot By Tuesday, Says Woods
The next Top Writer on TheSpoof?

There was a solemn moment this morning on the satirical news website TheSpoof.com, when well-known penman Monkey Woods, the site's top writer for almost a week now, admitted that his "time was up", and that he would be ready to relinquish his Number 1 position by Tuesday.

Woods, a 'writer' on the site since the end of December 2006, assumed top spot after his terrible story Vuvuzela Stuck In Man's Arse broke all records last Tuesday, when it received around 280million views around the whole world - mostly the results of 'bad clicking' by internet users.

But Woods claimed today:

"Points are points, no matter how you get them."

The Hull-born scribbler, who also topped the charts at both the beginning and end of 2008, was philosophical about his impending demise. He said:

"I just want to wish the next Top Writer all the very best, and good luck to all the other would-be chart-toppers on TheSpoof.com, especially that Duncan Whitehead. Not many people will know this, but I actually know Duncan. He is my next-door-neighbour.

"We often go to bingo together, and discuss our spoofs. He's a big bloke - he used to be in the army - but now he's a chimney sweep. He is a very funny bloke, but he tends to pick his nose a lot, and then eat it. Disgusting, really, but everyone to their own tastes.

"I'm waffling, now, so I'll just reiterate what I said earlier, which is that I just want to wish the next Top Writer all the very best, and good luck to all the other would-be chart-toppers on TheSpoof.com, especially that Duncan Whitehead.

"Not many people will know this, but I actually know Duncan. He is my next-door-neighbour. We often go to bingo together, and discuss our spoofs. He's a big bloke - he used to be in the army - but now he's a chimney sweep. He is a very funny bloke, but he tends to pick his nose a lot, and then eat it. Disgusting, really, but everyone to their own tastes.

"I'm waffling, now, so I'll just reiterate what I said earlier, which is that I just want to wish the next Top Writer all the very best, and good luck to all the other would-be chart-toppers on TheSpoof.com, especially that Duncan Whitehead.

"Not many people will know this, but I actually know Duncan. He is my next-door-neighbour. We often go to bingo together, and discuss our spoofs. He's a big bloke - he used to be in the army - but now he's a chimney sweep. He is a very funny bloke, but he tends to pick his nose a lot, and then eat it. Disgusting, really, but everyone to their own tastes. I'm waffling, now, so I'll just reiterate what I said earlier, which is ... etc"

Make Monkey Woods's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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