Written by Charpa93
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Sunday, 27 June 2010

image for Germans Use Mind Control over England to Win Cup Game

Fans are still scratching their heads at the beating England took from Germany. Those watching said there definitely was something strange going on and wondering if the rumors about the German team using mind control are actually true.

England's players echoed that sentiment after the game.

"It was queer, I tell ya," said Ashley Cole as he slumped off the field after a 4-1 defeat that left England reeling. "There I was in centre field, heading straight for the goal and a voice tells me "hold back, hold back, pass, pass, no hold back, hold back. I was so confused that I kicked the ball right into Germany's defense. I had no control over myself, as if someone else was controlling my every move."

Steven Gerrard, who made the only goal of the game, echoed Cole's remarks "I, too, felt that something was holding me back the whole game. I'm not even sure how I made that goal because the voices in my head were so strong. So strong, in fact, that they damn near drowned out the vuvuzela noise from the crowds."

Officials were asked to look into the charges immediately after the game but as one official put it, "It's one thing to have players doping. With doping, we can run tests and those tests will decide whether or not the doping accusations are true. With mind control, we have no way of proving that. There is no test to find out whether or not one player is getting into the head of another." And he added "Germany will definitely win the World Cup."

Meanwhile, fans are also wondering if the German players used mind control on the referee who disallowed what everyone could see was a fair goal for England. The referee, however, had nothing to say about the matter other than to say Germany played a good game and he wouldn't be surprised if they won the World Cup.

When German coach Joachim Loew was asked after the game if any mental hanky-panky had been played during the game, he didn't respond but I was left with the distinct impression that (1) there was no hanky-panky and (2) Germany will win the World Cup.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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