In a cliffhanging 3-Setter, Andie Murrray has made it to the last 16 of the annual Dog-Shagging Championship (grass surface), (Southern England Section).
Not to be confused with the other well-known Southern English sport of dogging, the dog-shagging competitors must avail themselves of the reproductive facilities of a sequence of dogs, in ascending order of difficulty.
In his first-round qualifier, Murrray made short work of a Shi-Tzu, leaving the little bitch burbling, glassy-eyed and spreadeagled just behind the foot-fault line.
In a dramatic development, Murrray was cleared of failing to pick up dog mess. Murrray's spokesperson, wee Kimmmie, stated in a statement "Andie is unhappy about the veil of secrecy surrounding this charge and wishes to state that he has never used performance enhancing substances in any way, not ever, absolutely not, why do you keep asking"?
After his controversial second-round bye, avoiding a match with 2 Pomeranians, Murrray took on the 3rd round challenge of the 3-Setter mentioned in our headline.
With overweening confidence, Murrray served the first of his 2 balls and the 3 (Irish) Setters appealed to the umpire. Apparently, nothing could be seen above the balls and the Setters felt the match beneath them
At this point, the Surreal Police (a branch of the Surrey Constabulary), stopped the match, arrested this reporter and tried to censor this report.
The Press will not be silenced!
This newspaper WILL publish the full, unabridged story of the Womens' Dog Shagging Championship as soon as the winner stops panting.