Written by Jean Le Fete
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Saturday, 26 June 2010

image for Roger Federer Goes 5 Sets With a Cuttlefish! Tiger Woods Gives Advice!
Cuttle After Losing to Roger Federer

All England Club, London - After struggling against two qualifiers, Roger Federer finally reached the third round against an opponent he could sink his teeth into, or so it seemed.

However when Robert Cuttlefish took the court and began squirming across the grass, Federer knew he had his work cut out for him. Then in true cuttlefish form Robert simply blended into the grass and became virtually invisible. Balls shot across the net at Roger Federer like falling asteroids shooting across the sky.

"Damndest thing I've ever seen," said Miley Cyrus, dressed very appropriately for Wimbledon and with not even a hint of vagina showing, "None of the cuttlefish I've ever played with before could even hold a tennis racket."

It was nearly two sets into the match an the Cuttlefish was up 6-3, 6-5 with a break point against Federer. Then friend and fan of Federer, Tiger Woods yelled some advice and words of encouragement on a changeover, "Roger make him angry! Cuttlefish can't play tennis when they are angry! They don't like their reflections. Here take this mirror!" Woods then threw him a small pocket mirror.

On the next three point Federer hid the mirror in his left palm and charged the net and flashed the mirror in the face of Robert Cuttlefish. Robert became so angry his color changed from grass green to tomato red, which of course made him very visible on the court. While he managed to win the second set, Federer continued his flashing strategy in the 4th and 5th sets. Robert Cuttlefish stormed around the court chasing down vintage Roger Federer forehands and backhands, but to no avail.

Sarah Palin, a long time Robert Cuttlefish fan, removed her genuine Miley Cyrus designer dress and stood nude in front of the Queen's box. Robert flushed to a brilliant pink, but it didn't help his tennis, in fact it made things worse as he lost the 4th set 6-0. Palin was removed by her own personal security, provided by Ron Paul.

At the start of the 5th set Federer stumbled and broke his mirror, causing him to make a mad dash to a food vendor for some salt to throw over his shoulder, but he needn't have worried. Cuttle was nearly cooked already, in fact his coach Fred Parsley was already laying down on a plate awaiting his arrival, as Federer charged on to win the final set 6-3.

Federers next round match is against Howard Iguana of Morrocco.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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