Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 25 June 2010

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Ashley Cole Says He'll Settle For Her. All The Help He Needs. Allegedly.

International World Cup superstars Landon Donovan and Clint Dempsey of the United States soccer team yesterday extended the hand of friendship towards their English counterparts ahead of England's crucial last 16 World Cup game against Germany in Bloemfontein on Sunday.

"We'd just like our English buddies to know that we're with them all the way against the Germans. Despite the fact that we tied one score each with England due to a fumble, as ever we ran out top dogs," Landon Donovan reported. "But we are aware that you guys have had problems with the Germans in the past. So if you guys need some of our guys to help you out in the last five minutes or the penalty shoot out, you got it."

Clint Dempsey even went so far as to suggest that the United States team were prepared to lend-lease some of their training equipment to the England team, saying that the English can owe them the money and pay it back in instalments over several decades.

It is suspected by sources in the England camp that this uncharacteristic burst of generosity was sparked by the Japanese qualifying for the last sixteen, which prompted nervousness in the American camp.

England striker, Wayne Rooney was said to be emotionally overcome by the Americans' generosity, and has promised to return the gesture.

By sending our colonial cousins some more oil. Free gratis. Probably in the Gulf of Mexico.

More as we get it.

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