Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 24 June 2010

image for England v Germany - Basil Says 'Don't Mention The War.'
Who Does He Think He's Kidding?

Torquay hotelier Basil Flawty has some excellent advice for the the England team ahead of Sunday's last sixteen clash with Germany in Bloemfontein.

Flawty reckons that if the England players can get settled early on, and not mention the war (either of them) then England are in with a good chance.

Flawty's live-in Spanish waiter, Manolo from Barcelona has been confined to his quarters for the duration of the World Cup, under threat of a good twotting with a dinner tray should he venture out.

"I once had a terrible situation with some German guests," Flawty told us. "I told everybody not to mention the war and we got away with it for a while. I think I let it slip once, but thankfully, nobody seemed to notice."

Permanent resident at Flawty Towels, the Colonel, said that he wasn't interested in the World Cup in the slightest, as he'd be at Wimbledon eating strawberries and cream on Henman Hill in the rain. He did add however that he keeps a loaded shotgun in his room at Flawty Towels at all times, just in case the Hun got it into their heads to stage an amphibious assault on Torquay.

Sybil Flawty, wife of Basil, told us:

"If all else fails, Capello could send Peter Crouch on with a fake Hitler moustache and a head bandage to do the funny walk. It seemed to work for my Basil. Quite unnerved our German guests that did."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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