Round 3 of the World Heavyweight contest between John Terry and England manager Fabio Capello was judged a draw by most judges. Neither fighter landing a decisive blow in their South African Jungle contest. Scottish clan chief Alex Salmond, who bet Terry and Capello would both he knocked out in the third round, was distraught at the result. 'Everyone has forgotten that we beat the English at Bannockburn' he told our reporter Macbeth MacDuff.
Meanwhile, in England the country came to a standstill with a General Strike widely observed. This enabled many people to watch the England World Cup match with Slovenia, disguising the fact that this was a demonstration against the Government's austerity Budget.
As England scrapped home to runners up place in their group, appropriately following behind the United States, nervous exhaustion gripped the nation.
'Coming runners up to the United States was no mean feat' explained Daniel Defoe, England's goal scorer. Those who did not realise that the United States had a football/soccer team were equally surprised at discovering there was a country in the world called Slovenia.
'Our colonies have learned well from us how to develop the devotion it requires to win' declared football boot enthusiast the Duke of Wellington. 'We are now discovering previously unknown areas of the world and finding they are not far behind us in development.'