Written by Skoob1999
Print this

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

image for World Cup - England Expects
Today Is Gonna Be The Day That They're Gonna Throw It Back To You

England expects - that the team will not be packing its collective bags tomorrow and coming home to be pampered by the WAGs. Skoob Sports News are delighted to report that we got that one wrong. Because we just added a NOT there in Editorial. After the match.

Not John Terry's fault - he only tried to express the thoughts and aspirations of a nation. Not Wayne Rooney's fault - the effort and commitment are obviously there. Not Ashley Cole, or Steven Gerrard's fault, because they're England through and through. Not even Rob Green's fault - although it does make this reporter wonder whether they'll hang effigies of him from streetlamps in the East End like they did to Beckham after France 98.

So England expects - we're (not) coming home. Yet. Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing?

The tabloids, when the group was announced, proclaimed EASY.


D'oh! Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Any sports reporter worth their salt will tell the reader that England aren't really all that good. In fact, the last potential winning team England sent to the World Cup finals was in Italia 90, and before that, 20 years prior in Mexico when they were the only team who actually gave the brilliant Brazilians a run for their money.

But one thing England can hopefully do, is show a little backbone and spirit. Shouldn't be too difficult when they earn a hundred grand a week. Update: They did show backbone and spirit. None moreso than John Terry.

Come on England! Cut loose. Go for it. Update: They did.

Otherwise this reporter will be sending his big fuck-off 8x5 George cross flag back to Lancaster Gate for a refund. Update - the flag's still flying.

England expects - we won't be fighting them on the beaches, in the fields, in the pubs, or on the terraces, but lets do 'em on the pitch. Update - WE DID!

Let's not be French or Greek. For God's sake - South Korea got through. Update - Job done.

More as we get embarrassingly eliminated. But hopefully not.

Update:- This is what we wanted!

Downside - more bloody stress. BRING IT ON!


Skoob News apologises unreservedly for being negative.

Sometimes it's NICE to be wrong.

This reporter feels like a right idiot now. But a happy idiot.

More on Sunday.

Make Skoob1999's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 5?

7 11 17 25
59 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more