Pyongyang, North Korea - The North Korean government struck an agreement with the Asia-Pacific Broadcasting Union to beam a live broadcast of the soccer game on Monday of the match between North Korea and Portugal. But instead of this being a time to rejoice that North Korea's ruler, Kim Jong Il is finally doing something to counteract the many human rights violations he has leveled against his people, the North Koreans believe he just did it to make their lives more miserable.
Speaking through an interpreter, a worker from the North Korean Province of South Pyongan was very angry with his government and spoke only on the condition that his face, voice and mannerisms were disguised, "what kind of evil monster is our leader to make us sit through ninety minutes of torture? We watched our soccer team make total fools out of themselves. We are a broken people, but this disgrace has finally put the nail in many of our coffins. Thanks for nothing, Kim Jong Il."
Kim Jong-Il may now be facing an underground uprising unlike any he's seen before. The team, afraid for its life, and knowing that their fellow countrymen now look upon them as players in Kim Jong-Il's evil plan to take North Korean morale to new depths, are looking for ways to stay in South Africa instead of returning home. Many are filing for political asylum or simply disappearing.
Meanwhile, Kim Jong-Il has no hard feelings whatsoever against Portugal. Said Il after the defeat "I had my people eating right out of the palm of my hands. They were going to get to watch a television show that didn't directly involve me for once in a great while, and they were treated instead to a massacre of their pride." He added sarcastically, "Nice one, Portugal."