Manchester United and England striker Wayne Rooney was said to be "in tears" after the team's disappointing 0-0 draw with Algeria on Friday night - a result that left England on the verge of expulsion from the World Cup.
Rooney was upset by the booing from England fans at the end of the game, and could be heard on TV saying "It's nice to hear your own fans booing".
Several million fans in England heard this, and, not understanding sarcasm, commenced booing themselves. The resultant cacaphony could be heard throughout the UK, across the Channel in France, down into north Africa where the Algerians were celebrating, and all the way through the African continent, where, of course, the shitty England players, including Rooney, were still out on the pitch.
The thick Scouse git then stormed into the dressing room, where he broke a coat hanger and snapped his boot laces before breaking down in a flood of tears and phoning his wife. She said:
"Our Wayne was distraught. He was unconsolable - that means 'he couldn't be consoled', I think. The papers told me to say that."