Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 23 June 2010

image for Wimbledon Vuvuzelas On Sale!
There's a swarm of locusts in my shake!

There was a shock in store for tennis fans when they arrived at Wimbledon this morning, after it was announced that a trial is to be given to the revolutionary Vuvuzela sound system employed so enthusiastically at the 2010 World Cup.

Fans at the tournament in South Africa have been largely supportive of the horns, and the All England club are keen to keep pace with any atmospheric advancement that will provide fans with even more enjoyment for their over-priced tickets.

The vuvuzela or "lepatata" (its Tswana name) or "droning rod" (its English name), has, in the past, been associated with permanent noise-induced hearing loss, and will certainly test the patience of the stuck-up boffins at SW19.

Commentators have variously described the sound of vuvuzelas as "annoying" and "satanic", and compared it to "a stampede of noisy elephants", "a goat on the way to slaughter", "a giant hive full of very, very angry bees" and "a mosquito stuck in me eardrum", although the last of these was only created by me last night.

If the trial is successful, the trumpets could become a regular feature at Wimbledon.

If fans would like to purchase a vuvuzela, they are available at the All England Clubshop for a very reasonable £249.99.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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