Written by Monkey Woods
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Sunday, 13 June 2010

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After the England football team drew their opening game with the USA 1-1 in Rustenburg, goalkeeper Robert Green has spoken for the first time about his World Cup nightmare.

Green, it was who unwittingly allowed a tame Clint Dempsey shot through his 'butter fingers' to give the US an unlikely point, but the West Ham man has now gone on record to tell the public of a terrible dream he had the night before the game which struck to the very heart of his soul.

In the dream, says Green, he was playing in goal for the England national team at an unusual location where all of the crowd were buzzing like mosquitoes.

England were leading 1-0 until about 5 minutes before halftime, when an American player played a soft shot towards the goalie, but at that precise moment, Green says he heard voices telling him to "leave it", and hesitated, allowing the ball to slip through his fingers and over the line.

At this point, Green woke up in a cold sweat, and realised he was still in his bottom bunk underneath David James, with whom he had been enjoying some magic mushrooms the night before.

Says Green:

"It was a bloody shocking nightmare, and one I hope never to have again!"

Yeah, me too.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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