Capetown, South Africa - The only fans in South Africa who appreciate the vuvuzela horn is the South African. To the rest of the world, it is a sound not unlike fingernails going down a chalkboard and is highly disruptive to a soccer match where the sound is drowning out crowd cheers.
Violence surrounding the horns is breaking out sporadically in South Africa. In fact, although no one is really sure who the culprits were, it is believed that a group of angry Germans, known for their intolerance of anything foreign, took it upon themselves to show some South Africans what they thought of the vuvuzela horns this evening while out for a round of beers.
What we can say for sure is that when the South Africans emerged from the men's room and sat back down at the bar, their bums made an interesting muted buzzing sound, their eyes filled with tears and they decided to call it an evening quite early.
Afraid to go to hospital to have the vuvuzelas surgically removed, the South Africans have warned other South Africans of the threat of getting too close to anyone who is complaining of the sound of their horns. "We would advise strongly against using your horns at any future matches, especially those involving angry Germans or the Dutch."
Meanwhile, the English and American teams have issued a joint statement to FIFA appealing to their sense of fair play and asking that the vuvuzela horns be silenced. Said Ashley Cole "I swear to God, those horns are not only distracting as piss, but I believe the sound may just be responsible for lowering my sperm count. I want rid of them now."