It's coming home! That's official, confirmed today by FA spokesman Swine Goring-Derrickson.
The England team bus will be coming home whatever the outcome of the 2010 World Cup finals in South Africa.
"Oh yes, you can count on it," Goring-Derrickson said today to a packed press conference in Piccadilly. "Of course the bus is coming home. It cost quite a lot of money, so we'd be a bit bloody stupid to leave it out there where elephants and gibbons can get at it."
Initial estimates doubt that the actual trophy will be coming home too, describing that scenario as a bridge too far.
The England team will probably disembark quietly from a plane at Heathrow to a largely apathetic reception following yet another abject failure, a Rooney sending off and a disastrous penalty shoot-out featuring John Terry and Frank Lampard.
But at least the team bus is coming home!
All together now - THREE NUNS ON THE SHIRT! IT'S COMING HOME, IT'S COMING - THE TEAM BUS IS COMING HOME!
And England goes World Cup BONKERS!
Morse as we get it.