Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 10 June 2010

image for English Hooligans Head For South Africa World Cup Disguised As Nuns
Anyone Got Tickets For The Game?

English football hooligans, not usually renowned for their intellectual capacity, are astounding critics with their cunning by heading for the World Cup finals in South Africa disguised as nuns.

Our Africa correspondent, Singatme Ndumbastad caught up with three of the English hooligans as they sought refuge in a Lesotho B&B called the Cock Inn, Lesotho.

Big Jack, from Newcastle said there had been one or two incidents at border crossings, but that overall, the trio had travelled pretty much unimpeded.

"Wuz had a birrof a freet in Zimbabwe when me habit rode up and a border patrol guard seen me hairy knees. Hooevvah, it torned oot he just wanted ter give us one up the arse leek. I telt him ter gan anf fuck isself and that seemed to cool his ardour."

Peanut Nuttall, a Burnley fan from Duke Bar, where they like meat pies, renowned for his fearsome head-butting skills told us:

"It were all reet till we run out o' beer. Then we had a feyt wi' some rebels wi' guns. Burrall tell thee, there's nowt gettin' int road of a good set to at World Cup. We battered the bastards, shot a big ephalump and cashed th'ivory in for some moonshine made in mud hut by this mad bastard wi' filed down teeth. We're theer nah. Where's them fuckin' Zulu bastards? We'll have them..."

The third fan, Dodger Artful, a Millwall fan with a massive beer belly and a terrible squint, told us:

"I 'opes they ain't all fackin twins in Africa. It's all fackin twins back 'ome. Man United, Liverpool, Chelsea - they're all fackin twins. And they all got two stadiums and two games goin' on at once. Wiv twin teams. I'm right lookin' forward to a good old ruck somewhere where they ain't all fackin twins. An' you two can fack orf as well."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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