Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 14 June 2010

image for World Cup 2010 Latest: Australia Dreams In Tatters After Rolf Harris Declares Himself Unfit
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There was anguish in the Antipodes this morning (or last night if you were in Britain at that time) when the Australian World Cup team announced that its 'star larker', painter, musician, singer, composer and all-round entertainer, Rolf Harris, would not be fit to take part in the tournament.

He's injured his didgeridoo.

Harris, 80, was hurt during a training session after the humiliating 4-0 defeat by Germany. He was tripped by a kangaroo whilst drinking a can of Foster's lager.

Australia had hoped to use Harris in place of Everton's Tim Cahill, who was given a straight red card for a bad tackle on Bastien Schweinsteiger (or however you spell it!)

Australia go into next Saturday's match against Ghana knowing that a defeat will have them booking tickets with Qantas quicker than you can say 'Rolf', and the Animal Hospital presenter has, therefore, issued a solemn promise that he will neither paint, nor sing either Two Little Boys or Stairway To Heaven as part of the pre-match build-up.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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