Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 3 June 2010

image for Galarraga's Perfect Game Thwarted by Hungry Umpire with Hot Dog
The perfect day, the perfect game, a fat lazy umpire.

While Detroit Tiger pitcher Armando Galarraga contemplated the loss of a perfect game on a bad call at first base, umpire Jim Joyce admitted having his vision temporarily blurred while taking a bit of his hot dog.

Through nine innings with only one out remaining, Galarraga had not allowed a single opponent on base. That was until the last batter made first base safely on Joyce's blurred vision call. "Usually at the end of a game, hot dog vendors will cut the price of the dogs to get rid of whatever they have left", says Joyce. Camera replay of the final call of the game showed the first base official biting down into a fresh red hot, spilling onions and mustard globs onto the grass. "I only lost sight of the bag for a second", says Joyce, "but I thought he was safe."

With only 20 perfect games recorded in all of major league baseball, the enormity of the situation must have been lost on Joyce who did apologize later for blowing the call. Galarraga on the other hand remained magnanimous despite the horrible twist of fate, "Hey, when hot dogs are only a buck, I'd buy two".

Michigan Governor Granholm and other baseball fans are rushing to the defense of Galarraga, calling for the registration of his perfect game into the hall of fame. Though the MLB is unlikely to reverse a call made on the field, they do admit to the need for a rule change calling for "no food or sleeping umpires on the field".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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