Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 31 May 2010

image for David James Told To "Decide On Hairstyle"
James poses with a Mexican fan at Wembley last week

England goalkeeper David James has been told by FIFA to make a decision on which hairstyle he will sport during the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, and to "stick to it!"

James, 39, the Portsmouth goalie who is about to jump ship and sign for Spurs after the South coast outfit were relegated, often likes to change his style - a bit like a woman.

He alternates between a skinhead cut, braids and a kind of weird 'funky gibbon' style obviously inspired by the 1970s children's cartoon, The Hair Bear Bunch.

Now though, world football's governing body has informed the goalkeeper he must choose one style and retain it through the whole competition - which, for England, might not be too long anyway.

Last week, James posed with Mexican fans at Wembley and caused a stir when he became lost in the crowd before the game. After the match, Capello ordered James to have a skinhead, but this won't stop the player from sporting a new style in South Africa.

James whose hair grows quicker than bamboo, has said he intends to "shock and surprise England fans" at the World Cup, but let's just hope it's not with a crappy display of goalkeeping.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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