"I made them an offer they couldn't refuse," boasted Tony Soprano, when it was announced by the National Football League on Tuesday that the 2014 Super Bowl would indeed be held at the New Meadowlands Stadium in NJ.
Fortunately, folks who will be attending have plenty of time to plan ahead. They should be aware of the following:
--Due to horrendous traffic on the NJ Turnpike, it may be prudent to investigate alternative ways of getting to the stadium. Helicopter or on foot should both be considered. Another alternative is to travel by boat, making good use of the many swamps in NJ.
--Because of high levels of pollution, oxygen masks will be available to all Super Bowl attendees and are especially recommended to those who have trouble breathing.
--Treatment packs for frostbite will be provided free of charge.
The Spoof can confirm that officials in the know have said that the Halftime Show will be really special and very, very different. It will feature stars from The Sopranos TV show. Tony Soprano will sign autographs, while wife Carmela will serve free samples of her 'killer' pasta. Big Pussy, back from the dead after his murder at sea, will hand out fish sandwiches. Uncle Junior will sing an assortment of stirring melodies, including: "Oh My Pa-pa," "Mama," and the theme song from The Sopranos show, "Woke Up This Morning." That last song should be especially entertaining. It's one of Uncle Junior's favorites, especially the part that goes: "Got yourself a gun."