Sports reporters roamed through the smog and fog somewhere near Secaucus, New Jersey today, trying to find the Meadowlands after it was announced the site was named to host the 2014 Super Bowl, already being named "The Yellow Snow Bowl' by critics who disagreed with the pick.
Reporters knew they were near the site due to the residual odor from the area which was formerly known for raising hogs and 'makin' bacon' by many a former high school student who parked in the area at night. It was also a famous dumping ground for victims of NY & NJ Crime Families who used the swamp as a recycling bin.
This will be the first time in modern history that the January Super Bowl will be held outdoors in an open stadium in a northern clime.
Madison Square Garden has already said it will cooperate by supplying a Zamboni to 'smooth out the ice', and a spokesman said the Philadelphia Flyers and NY Rangers will stage a hockey exhibition without helmets at half time doing away with the former practice of promoting extravaganzas featuring overpriced aging rock stars with clothing malfunctions.
Members of the Teamsters union will provide the Italian -American Color Guard, and there will be a brief moment of silence as a solitary Black 1965 Fleetwood Cadillac circles the infield in memory of the dearly departed
James R. Hoffa before it stops to place a wreath of black roses under the south goal posts where rumour has it Hoffa was placed to his final rest
after losing his last union election bid.
Although President Obama said he would be happy to do a fly over in Air Force I, NJ Governor Christie (R) said it wouldn't be necessary, since Newark Airport was right next door and there would be jets taking off and landing during the entire length of he contest adding to the excitement.
This was Christie's first venture into bringing back economic growth to the Garden State, and along with major cuts to state government pensions, reigning in rogue unions, cutting back government pork, and axing no show jobs, Christie's record is now 1-0.
Obama's record is 0-10 and counting on anything he promotes, including the Olympics, a record duly noted by the Governor in his acceptance speech thanking the NFL.
"Hosting the Super Bowl in New Jersey in the winter shows the rest of the world that America's still got some balls. As far as Washington goes, you can just 'forgetaaboutit," in Joisey we take care of our own, capish?"