Mumbai: Cricket fans accross India have been stunned by revelations from Dholki.com (an Indian media organization , specializing in tantalizing and embarrassing exposures of the rich, famous and the plain ugly ) that Sachin Tendulkar, India's master batsman is indeed Sania Mirza the latest tennis prodigy in disguise. These startling revelations have come to light in a documentary filmed by Dholki.com and aired on a private satellite channel last night. The film shows Sania Mirza cleverly disguised as the master batsman, putting on a Sachin mask, complete with MRF earrings and Samsung shoes and cap, driving off in his tax exempt Ferrari.
As millions watched the documentary in stunned silence on TV last night, the question on everyone's lip was "could it be true ?". To answer this rather simple but mathematically complex question, TheSourceNews spoke to the maker of last nights documentary, very cleverly titled "The S Mystery - Sachin, Sania or both?" The award winning filmmaker, MP Krishnan was unapologetic when confronted by your correspondent. He said "Look we have now unearthed a major scandal or truth to be clear, and everyone is beating up their chests or even chest beating!". He continued "We knew something was funny when Sachin complained about a tennis elbow at almost the same time as Sania was busy playing in the tennis tournament - nobody knew why and guess what happens when the Sania finishes the tournament? He is suddenly FINE - now if that isnt a coincidence, what is?". As he lit another cigarette which smelled pungent and felt kinda good - he spoke again "This Sachin thinks he can fool us Indians with some cock and bull story about holding the bat this way or that way - but now we can prove that the injury was caused due to playing Tennis and not Cricket!".
MP Krishnan then produced 2 pictures of the Tennis star and Sachin, proving beyond any shade of doubt that the two are the same.
In Mumbai, the Wankhede stadium wore a deserted look. As shocked and silent ground staff went about their jobs digging a hole here and there on the pitch, some spoke of their fears and disappointments. For Mig-a-nath Bachan, an octogenarian in charge of painting the electrified fences, which will separate the good-natured fans from the players in the upcoming series with Pakistan, life could not get any crueler. True that he had already suffered due to incompetence of BCCI when someone turned on the electricity WHILE he was painting, he does consider this the final straw. He said "For years I have looked on proudly as generation after generation of Indian cricketers did this land proud but today, I am a broken man - Mind you some of us knew that something was amiss. Have been telling everyone for years that you cant get a tennis injury by playing cricket - no one hears us old people! What really hurts me now is that we will never know if the other players are also leading a double life - what if, if Harbajan turns out to be Zaheer Khan, our fastest bowler ? Hey hang on, didnt Harbajan open the bowling attack once, didnt he?"
Our sports correspondent adds:
Indian cricketers of yesterday, today and tomorrow have all expressed their condemnation of the Sachin. In a statement read out in front of newsman (TheSourceNews were the only organization invited to this ), the legendary Indian born bowler, Abey Kuruvilla said " We the Indian cricketers of yesterday, today and tomorrow condemn Sachins actions". In private, Abey admitted that this was no surprise to the players as they had seen Sachin smashing bowling all over the park "like it was a tennis ball or something". Navjot Sidhu, another player of note quipped in his usual hysterically funny manner "You can take a Sachin out of Sania but you cant take a Sania out of Sachin - ha ha ha". As most present tried to make sense of that statement, he quickly noted this down in a notebook to repeat adNauseum on TV.
Finally, among the newer players, when questioned Rahul Dravid was steadfast in his support. He spoke to us after finishing a nets session at a local stadium - he said "Look Sachin's a great player and great players can take on any shape they want - personally I don't believe this trash". He then merrily put on a sari and a Sonia Gandhi mask, leaving us in shock, as he drove away with her bodyguards.