Written by Stu B
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Topics: China, duck

Wednesday, 16 February 2005

Old One Two sweeper and all round newcomer Keith Goodwin broke his lucky china duck just before last weeks game against the controversial Blunderers Babes, it emerged today. The Duck which he had kept safe since childhood fell off his dashboard as he took a severe corner in his Mini on his way to the early match last week.

However, the player need not have been too glum as the following game against the Blunderers Babes resulted in his first goal of the season. One of two scored, leaving only Bosher without one so far this season. The game saw an improvement in the flow and pace of the game with Sir Kerr MacRae taking up a defensive stance with a double reverse diamond formation. Six Bellies Adams staying up front caused some moments of concern for the Blunderers Goalkeeper with his deft footwork reminiscent of the Ballerina Hippos from Walt Disney's Fantasia.

The score at half time was a heartening 2-2 to the Blunderers babes, who are still reeling from the shock ruling over their illegible player which resulted in the deduction of three points and him changing his surname to "X" in order to avoid further censure from the league organisers. The second half saw a spirited come by the babes who spotted the ill hidden Achilles heel of the Old One Two, fitness. The use of respirators to Revive Adams at half time was spotted by the team and despite MacRae's valiant attempts to score despite his pre match vow to stay at the back, the Blunderers took the opportunity of a hole in the defence to sear two successful attempts on goal past the beleaguered Glue

Notably absent from the squad was the The Darlington Dart Metters Metcalf and Fiery Centre Back Bosher who were later seen watching the England match on a handheld Casio Pocket TV in the upper stalls of the Aldwych Theatre during a performance of "the Rat Pack"

Both Players denied rumours of illegal transfer talks with competitors The Longshots run by ex super sub and arch enemy Roman Bennovovich. Sir Kerr MacRae also denied that the recent run of bad results had him considering buying in new talent from as far a field as Kemsing. Many believe he is sitting on a transfer pot of nearly three pounds and such a princely sum may be burning a hole in his pocket. Team insiders say he is certainly not spending it on beer.

Despite the defeat the team seemed happy at the better goal difference and supporters said the team were almost back to their blinding early season form. Hopes are high for the next match against Hildenborough with memories of the Old One Two's first victory against the team last year, although Hildenborough seem to have regrouped well this season, they may prove to be no push over.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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