Written by Morse
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Monday, 10 May 2010

image for Tiger Pulls Out: Threesome Left Hanging and Unsatisfied!
Swollen Balls Force Early Withdrawal By Tiger: ThreeSome Left Hanging!

In an unprecedented move, golf Satyr Tiger Woods was forced to 'pull out' during the final round of the TPC match at Ponte Verde claiming a 'bulging ball sack" was giving him a stiff neck and he wasn't able to 'follow through."

Tiger's early withdrawal, some cynics may even call it a pre-mature evacuation, has unofficially been traced to a lack of sex since Thanksgiving, 2009, when his wife caught him stuffing a plethora of birds...indeed a veritable flock...away from his marriage bed.

Since then Tiger has said to have been on a complete abstinence program enforced by a 'Penis Collar' strapped to his right leg, which has been hampering his swinging, and also caused a frightening rise in his testosterone and sperm count.

Apparently the lack of sex, the sweet swinger was known to practice his stroke to loosen up before most rounds to relax him, and also during a brief bathroom stop when making the turn at 10, has really caused him to 'stiffen up' according to several aides close to the prickly situation.

"His stroke is gone," said one swing coach, 'let's face it, when you're used to getting laid at least 21 times a week, and you're suddenly cut off, of course you're going to suffer...how can a man like Tiger concentrate on a 2 foot putt when all he can think of the the Threesomes he used to play a round with!"

Following his withdrawal, Tiger adjourned to a 'physical therapy' trailer for a 20 minute 'session' performed by a PGA hostess that according to the bouncer at the door, relieved some of his tension.

Tiger did look rather dazed and confused as he exited the trailer, with his shirt tail out and his fly half zipped, before being whisked away in a chauffeur driven Escalade with a dented front right bumper.

When questioned about Tiger's withdrawal today, and his sudden fall from grace over the past 6 months, John Daly, the PGA's answer to Zorba the Greek was philosophical while being interviewed over a cold pitcher and a double order of hot wings at the local Hooters. "Hey man,"he said," shit happens...only this time it happened to someone who wasn't me!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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