Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 9 May 2010

image for Well It Now Appears That "Fan Tasering" Has Replaced The Once Proud "Wave"
The second Philadelphia Phillies fan after being hit by three different taser guns.

JACKSONVILLE, Florida - The once popular and proud sports "Wave" has now been replaced by the attention-getting and the downright smarting "Taser."

Last week two Philadelphia Phillies fans ran onto the field on different days and were chased all over the field before security guards stopped the chase thanks to the aid of a taser gun.

The first fan was merely jolted all to hell. The second baseball fan fell down, swallowed his tongue, bit one of his tonsils, and lost the erection he had achieved and maintained up until the time his sorry ass was hit by three tasers with 50,000 volts of 'top shelf' electricity each.

Both fans had their boxer shorts completely burned off due to the kinetic electrical synchronization of the neutrons, protons, electrons, and trans fat.

And now it appears a golf fan who was heckling poor little mistreated Eldrick Tont Woods, aka Tiger, aka Dick With Feet, has been tasered by Jacksonville deputies.

The fan identified as Travis Parmalee said that it is his God given right as an American, a golf fan, and a Tiger Woods hater to heckle whomever he pleases.

Parmalee went on to say that Tiger was playing horribly and that he merely hollered out that his 97-year-old grandmother Flora Beth Parmalee could shoot better than him and she's in a walker and missing one of her ears.

Tiger reportedly shot back by saying that his grandmother doesn't have $800 million dollars or is hung like a Palomino like he is.

Travis replied by saying that Tiger is nothing but a half-black, half-witted, half-assed, half-cocked, half-baked, half-dicked chump.

Tiger immediately put his golf club down, walked over to where Parmalee was standing, and told him that he was not half-dicked.

"Really?" Replied Parmalee.

And Woods told him that if he did not believe him that he could just go ahead and call any of the dozen or so white, blonde bitch members of his Scorecard Cutey Club.

He then thought for a moment and told Parmalee not to call Jamie Grubbs or Kalika Moquin because both women are prone to major lying.

In other news from around the world. The African country of Loombeezi has asked the neighboring countries of Upper Shambutu and Kamgooganda to please try and control the out-of-control mating that is going on between lions and zebras. The government of Loombeezi stated (1) It is weird since they are mortal enemies and (2) The babies look ugly as hell.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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