Written by Bill Licks
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Sunday, 9 May 2010

image for Didier Drogba launches new range of dummies and rattles
Drogba and Rooney battle for the Golden Boot

Chelsea centre forward Didier Drogba is set to open a shop in West London selling his own designer range of baby clothes and toys.

The 6 foot 2 inch Ivory Coast international made the decision after Frank Lampard stepped up to take a penalty against Wigan Athletic to give Chelsea the Premier League title.

As the Chelsea players celebrated, Drogba just stood in disbelief as he expected the penalty to be his thus giving him the Golden Boot award ahead of Wayne Rooney. His bottom lip began to quiver and he was seen tossing his rattle to the floor then he sat down and rocked backwards and forwards with his head in his hands. He only got to his feet again when coach Ray Wilkins ran on to the pitch with a dummy for Drogba to put in his mouth and suck.

As half time arrived Drogba climbed on the physiotherapists table in the changing room and waited for manager Carlo Ancelotti to change his nappy. When he was ignored he began crying very loudly and it was up to Ray Wilkins again to comfort him by placing one of his moobs in Drogbas mouth.

As the second half continued, Drogba stood around and sulked until he scored the fifth goal of the game which suddenly bought a huge grin to his face. After the match reporters questioned Drogba's pathetic behaviour to which he replied it was all a publicity stunt to advertise his new baby shop on the King's Road in Chelsea called Didier's Kiddiewear.

He then started crying again before wetting himself and was lead out of the press conference by Ray Wilkins who gave him the Golden Boot... up his backside to punish him for being such a selfish, fucking cry baby twat.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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