Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 10 May 2010

image for San Antonio Spurs Get Swept By The Phoenix Suns - Coach Greg Popovich Plans To Quit To Become a Stand Up Comedian
Now that the San Antonio Spurs season is over Timmy Duncan can go out fishing everyday on his fishing boat, Miss Free Throw.

SAN ANTONIO - San Antonio Spurs Coach Greg Popovich had said at the beginning of the NBA season that his San Antonio Spurs had so much talent that if they did not win the whole enchilada (championship), he would quit as coach.

The Suns swept the Spurs four games to none. The Suns' Steve Nash, Amare Stoudemire, and company played like they want to win it all. The Spurs played like they all have better things to do than continue with the NBA basketball playoffs and now they will all certainly have all the time in the world to do just that.

Tony Parker, number 9, can spend time with his lovely luscious wife Eva Longoria Parker, Manu Ginobili, who wears numero 20, can be there for the birth of his twin girls Margarita and Tequila.

And SeƱor Tim "The Free Throw Misser" Duncan, who next year will wear number 0, in reference to the amount of free throws he makes in a season, can sit around and try to figure out why many consider him to be the all time greatest power forward when he cannot even master the easiest thing in all of sports to do...and that is to make damn effen free throws.

It is amazing. Dirk Nowitzki of the Dallas Mavericks makes his free throws with his eyes closed. Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers makes his free throws while eating a hog dog, and Steve Nash of the Phoenix Suns makes his free throws while laying down flat on his back.

But Timmy, "Mr. Hands In The Air - I Didn't Foul Ref" Duncan cannot make a free throw to save his Caribbean butt.

And like Charles "The Round Mound of Sound" Barkley said, "Hey lissen up America when Timmy makes a free throw, I guarantee ya it's by accident."

Many Spurs fans are hoping that Duncan retires so that he stops embarrassing himself at the free throw line. Tim's wife, Amy said that she really and truly hopes that her hubby retires because frankly she is sick and tired of hearing people at the HEB Grocery Store were she shops ask her why it is that her husband can't make his freakin' free throws.

Others say that Duncan should swallow his damn pride and ask Spurs coach Skip English, who is probably the best free throw shooting coach in the world, to teach him how to make the damn mother effen free throws for goodness sakes.

English once made 7,329 free throws in a row. Timmy has now missed 281 in a row.

So now, the basketball is in Popovich's court. The time has come for the Hatfield and McCoy hillbilly looking Popovich to be a man of his word and quit his coaching job and move on to becoming a stand up comedian where the comedy club hecklers, unlike the sports reporters, will fire back at his arrogant sarcastic remarks with even more arrogant sarcastic remarks.

The Popster needs to do it before he ends up becoming a second rate version of Bobby "The Chair Tosser" Knight or that crazy Ohioan Woody "Screw Loose" Hayes.

When asked why Tim Duncan is such a lousy-ass free throw shooter, Popovich replied because he hears Shaquille O'Neal's voice in his head saying, "Yo bro, dis is Shaq and you is even a friggin worse free throw shooter than I is."

Duncan has reportedly been to nine different sports psychiatrists who tried to help him fix his girly free throw shooting, but it was a total waste of money since Duncan misses free throws that Cloris Leachman, Betty White, and Elizabeth Taylor sitting in her wheel chair could make.

SIDENOTE: Tony Parker is so upset about the 281 free throws that Duncan has missed that he told Manu Ginobili that his wife Eva Longoria-Parker could stand on her head and shoot basketballs out of her ass and make her free throws all the live long day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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