Fabio Capello has already named the first member of his world cup squad. He has chosen former Gurkha soldier Hi Kill Foh Mun Lee, who has recently been working in the security business.
FA spokesperson Kelly Brook said "Mr Capello was really impressed with Mr Lee. The England defense needed tightening up. Not much gets past Mr Lee, well it doesn't get past his knife!"
Some critics have suggested that hiring a trained killer to patrol the midfield is a rather drastic act and the legality of Mr Lee's tackling has been questioned. Referees are sure to be on the look out for late tackles, high tackles and the violent murder of opponents-all likely to carry a two-match ban.
Wayne Rooney is said to be disappointed at the news as he now has to hire a new security guard. He is seeking someone with a keen interest in football and a track record of extreme violence. Joey Barton is expected to apply.