Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 6 May 2010

image for The Philadelphia Phillies Organization Has Scheduled A "Taser Night"
The home of the Philadelphia Phillies, Citizens Bank Park, formerly Preparation H Stadium. (Photo courtesy of Warren Beatty).

PHILADELPHIA - The Philadelphia Phillies organization hoping to ward off dozens of more fans running onto the field during Phillies baseball games has decided to schedule a "Taser Night."

Julie Carolina Fiffenbacker, 51, a spokesperson for the Phillies organization said that the event will be held during the next Phillies-Dodgers game.

During the seventh inning stretch, any fans who wish to can run onto the field where they will be chased by a group of 20 Phillies security guards armed with taser guns. The fans will be systematically tasered.

The last fan to get tasered will be the winner of "Taser Night" and he or she will then receive season's tickets for the 2011 Philadelphia Phillies season, a 52-inch big screen TV, $500 in McDonald's Big Mac gift certificates, and a date with Philadelphia native Kate Gosselin (or in lieu of the date $50 cash).

SIDENOTE: Fiffenbacker, who weighs a svelte 116 pounds, and is recently divorced stated that the Philadelphia Phillies organization will also take care of any medical expenses that maybe incurred by the fans due to the tasing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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