Written by Earl Grey
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Wednesday, 5 May 2010

image for Dead Player Signed By Liverpool
"On me 'ead!"

A dead footballer has been signed by Liverpool FC. Croatian soccer star Goran Tunjic has been signed to replace Jose Torres, who is on his way to Chelsea.

Tunjic was recently booked for dying on the pitch. This follows a new FIFA ruling regarding players collapsing and dying in order to waste time. "It takes ages to bury a player. They know this and it is a way of playing for time. We have to get a doctor's certificate, then get the undertaker on to the pitch and finally the gravedigger. It has been a real problem" said FIFA spokesperson Lily Allen.

Liverpool will be hoping that Tunjic will be fit for action more often than Torres, who suffered a nasty injury earlier in the season when someone told him that he might not qualify for the Champions league. Since then he has been seldom seen on the pitch.

Previously dead players were seen as something of a liability, but with the off side law about to be scrapped corpses will start appearing in professional football again, bringing back memories of the England squad at the 1988 European Championships.

Tunjic is expected to begin his time at Anfield in the stiffs (reserves), but will be pushing hard for a regular first team spot next season.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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