NATCHEZ, Mississippi - President Barack Obama, in town speaking before the Annual Convention of The Mason-Dixon Cotton Pickers Union, stated that he is extremely upset with the citizens of Arizona.
He said that he has issued a direct directive to the commissioner of baseball that the 2011 Major League All-Star game, originally scheduled to be held in Phoenix, will instead now be played in Chicago, Illinois, which just coincidentally happens to be the president's home town.
The president is so upset with Arizona Governor Jan Brewer that he has referred to the old looking hag as the political version of Madonna, but only not as fat, as short, or as damn prima donna inclined.
President Obama said that he has instructed the pilot of Air Force One, General Norwood W. Labriola, Jr., to fly the presidential plane around Arizona, whenever they travel from Washington D.C. to Los Angeles.
The president said, "I cannot and will not allow my presidential butt to just sit idly by and let dis travestic travesty of unjustified injustice rear its ugly-ass head.
I cannot allow dis unproportioned atonement to wilfully and artfully machinate into a perplexed perplexion of pomposity that is propagated towards certain individuals."
The president, speaking without the aid of a teleprompter, stated "There are certain individuals who know exactly who ya be and ya know dat ya know and I know that ya know dat I know I know."
He went on to say that it just isn't brothers, sisters, bros, and sistas. He pointed out that it is also adopted folks from other countries including the African countries of Dutch West Wakaboonka and Lower Zamgola, where lions eat more natives in two months than Lindsay Lohan has freckles on her cute as a button G-spot.
The president admitted that he does digress. He smiled, took a sip of his Corona Light Beer and stated, "Lemmy jus close by sayin' dis about dat. Lemmy add dat dees folkites or folkians, depending on if ya live in New England or in da deep South, have nothing better ta do dan drink soft drinks high in caffeine, cheer on their favorite NBA team, and wonder juss how many more cycle chick ho's and skanks Jesse James has got out there residing in some of America's cheapest most run-down trailer parks."
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