Written by Jerry Cornelium
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Monday, 7 February 2005

image for Michael Jackson Exposes Buttock at Superbowl Halftime
Jackson: "What I did was just a harmless joke. Childish, but harmless!"

JACKSONVILLE, FL --- Superbowl Security failed to react quickly enough as former superstar and accused pedophile Michael Jackson raced across Alltel Stadium's football field to the fifty yard line. Then, in full view of the nearly 80,000 terrified stadium guests, he did a few dance moves and pulled down his pants, exposing a single buttock. Jackson, who was finally wrestled to the ground by security personnel, remains unapologetic, calling the incident a "harmless joke".

Security personnel are still trying to piece together what exactly happened -- and how.

They are unclear as to how Jackson was able to make it to the field, although a stadium spokesperson pointed out that he is known to wear disguises while in public. What they agree on is that the former king of pop suddenly dashed across to the fifty yard line, then moonwalked back and forth while singing a few lines from "Billy Jean".

As angry cries from the audience filled the air and rolls of toilet paper streaked across the field, Jackson shouted, "This is for you, Janet."

He then proceeded to expose his buttock, and shortly thereafter was wrestled to the ground.

Security guards and audience members expressed disbelief and shock.

Lawrence Gunderson of Pierre, SD, said he will no longer take his children to a football game for as long as he lives.

"What happened today was just so, so wrong," he said, as tears streaked down his face. "I should have taken Junior the ballet, or something. Where his mother went. I just hope, my son can forgive me."

Amos McCord, a Gulf War veteran and a member of the Alltel Stadium security team for seven years, said placing his hands on Jackson made him feel "sick, defiled".

Jackson remains unapologetic.

"This was a harmless joke," he said, giggling. "Childish, but harmless. With all the stress I've been under lately, I just had to let off a little steam. At least I didn't let my boob hang out, like my sister. After all, it's a family show."

Through statement released by a spokesperson, pop diva Janet Jackson, said that she no longer is on speaking terms with her "former brother" Michael, and that she has petitioned the local courts to legally change her name to DiMeola.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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