World number one, two and three golfer, Tiger Woods has been forced to go back to the traditional golf bag after the World Golfing Federation deemed his golf bag not only illegal, but disgusting.
With Woods's wife, Elin Nordegren, not wanting him out of her sight for even a second, she had replaced herself as his golf bag, inserting the clubs rectally and vaginally. Woods himself had no problem with this arrangement.
"The clubs seemed to benefit from being in the warm," he told reporters. "and the handles had a good grip, being slightly moist and sticky."
Tiger Woods's caddy, Stu Pidgit, had been left with the task of lugging Nordegren around.
"It weren't too bad," he admitted. "She hooked her legs around me neck and dangled down me back. An when we were stopped, she used to stand on her hands, like."
However, the WGF took a dim view of this arrangement.
"It was utterly depraved," said V.W. Golf, head of the WGF. "Disgusting, and after I changed the rules, illegal. All golf bags now have to have a particular cylindrical shape, and be able to stand upright on their bases."
Elin Nordegren herself can't understand what all the fuss is about. "I even wore a tartan dress so I matched the other bags."