Written by Oliver Holt
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Topics: Driving

Wednesday, 26 January 2005

Arsenal's troublesome youngster Jermaine Pennant has revealed that he is to release a book to try and get rid of the bad reputation he has got. He is said to feel that if he gives something back to the community then they in return might give him some respect, or recognise him as a useful human being.

Jermaine has sampled the jet set life of a footballer and has focused his new release on the youths of today. He said that he believes there are far too many youngsters on the road who disregard the safety of others, and he see's himself as the perfect candidate to get their attention."

Jermaine said in a press conference :

"Im delighted to be able to release this book, im really becoming more concerend about the lack of safety in our roads. This comes down to the yob culture we have, there are far too many careless people who drink and drive, joy ride and use excessive speeds on our roads."

He continued :

"Im a firm believer in not touching a car if you've been to your local, not even if you've just had one. All it takes is one swerve and you could end up totalling your car onto a lampost. Something that could be a real hazzard to people who use the roads at night. As a footballer and someone who is in the public eye I believe the youth will listen to me, and I hope I can be an example to them.

Quite how this book will go down can be speculated but one person certainly doesn't wish it well. Team mate and goalkeeper Graham Stack is thought to be working on a similar book called 'Dating Tips By Graham', for the same reason as to fix his rather murky reputation. In fact there are many players from Highbury who could relase good books according to analyst Sir Alex Ferguson :

"Bloody hell, they dont call it Highbury the Library for nothing you know ! ! Wenger could relase endless books on how NOT to see things, Pires could release a guide to Olympic diving and Henry could make millions on tips for going missing at vital occasions."

"Potentially its a gold mine down there." Said the wiley old Scot.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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