Written by IainB
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Thursday, 15 April 2010

image for Twins see red
Twins saw yellow and red.

Identical twin footballers Darren and John McNumpty have got into the footballing hall of fame but not for a reason that they would have chosen.

In the Conference North match between Hide Untied and Wookieton the twins were playing for Hide Untied when Darren McNumpty got booked for throwing the ball away after a foul. Nothing unusual so far, as Darren McNumpty has already picked up a club record of fifty-two yellow cards in one season, mainly for doing stupid things.

With fifteen minutes remaining, John McNumpty attempted to perform knee surgery on Apostrophe D'Laryea, while the Wookie was through one-on-one with Hide goalkeeper Matt Door.

The referee had no choice but to issue a straight red to the elder by ten-minute twin. McNumpty walked off the pitch while the referee was putting his pencil back into his sock, and when the referee looked up, he saw the younger-by-twenty-minutes twin Darren stood in front of him.

The referee informed Darren that he had sent him off, and he had to leave the field, mistaking him for his elder by half an hour brother John. Darren informed the referee that he was mistaken and had sent off his twin brother, however the language he used gave the referee no choice but to issue Darren with a second yellow for inappropriate conduct.

Thus the twins entered the record books as the first brothers to be sent off in the same match while playing for the same team.

"We're dead chuffed," said Darren afterwards. "I always wanted to break some records."

"I'm chuffed too," said John, "I think I broke a knee cap rather than a record though."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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