Written by Danny Burger
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Monday, 12 April 2010

After all the shocks of the past week, it should come as no surprise the announcement that Gary Neville has joined team GB for London 2012. After Alex Ferguson's appraisal of his pace,saying he's faster than French winger, Franc Ribery. Athletics officials felt they were left with little choice.

"We all know Sir Alex Ferguson's record,he's always right, and he just had a good win with his horse too. So obviously he can spot a good nag when he sees one. Naturally, we felt we had to make this move." said a team official.

Neville will compete in the 100m,200m and surprisingly, the equestrian. Although no one is sure if he'll be doing to riding or be rode upon.

To spurs now and Harry Redknapp has already laid down his transfer plans for the summer, to buy more Portsmouth players,because "clearly we didn't buy enough already." stated Redknapp at a sombre post FA cup semi-final press conference.

Chelsea are planning to have an open top bus parade,joined by fellow Londoners Arsenal, this Tuesday to celebrate Portsmouth's victory. The bus is said to be "just going round and round white hart lane for a few hours".

Elsewhere in the league, Liverpool are asking the FA if it is ok for a player wrapped in bubble wrap and take the field, no prizes for guessing who they want that to be.

And just to reinforce that we are indeed talking about Fernando Torres, more news concerning the Spainish super model this week comes from Eastlands, where Manchester City are planning a £50million bid for the striker.

Asked if perhaps City might want to buy a decent defence Roberto Mancini replied, "we won't have to defend if we buy all the strikers in the world will we?". Interesting logic.

Another striker set to attract much interest in the summer is Bobby Zamora, with Roy Hodgson quoting a figure that would've once been laughed at - £40 million - but now with the likes of the sky blues around, the skies the limit really.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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