Written by Frank Michaels
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 9 April 2010

image for The Cocks Are Out
KFC's Revenge?

After long months of anguish and suffering regular demonstrations from animal rights groups, the University of South Carolina today announced that it was going to drop the name, 'Gamecocks' as its sports logo and mascot.

Head football coach Steve Spurrier, known for his abusive personality, was seen displaying a fit of temper during a spring practice immediately following the announcement. At one point, he is said to have picked up a football helmet and forced it into an unnamed bodily cavity of one of the water boys.

Current plans to rename the university's sports teams include monikers such as the Wet Hens, Pissed Peacocks, Enraged Roosters and KFC's Revenge.

Animal rights spokesperson, Rita Petita was quoted as saying, "I like the Wet Hens best because it is indicative of a clean, sustainable bird and it does not discriminate against the female egg layers."

Meanwhile across the greater part of the South Eastern Conference, laughter could be heard bellowing from various sporting venues. Arkansas head coach, Bobby Petrino, suggested that Spurrier and SC might want to consider slinking away to join the ACC.

But Petrino and the Razorbacks may be next, according to Ms. Petita. "It's bad enough that we are such a barbaric society that we still eat bacon and eggs, but to glorify that horrible practice by naming a sports team after cocks or pigs, is just shameful!"

Elsewhere, rumor has it that the NFL is well ahead of the curve on this and may move unilaterally to rename some of its teams before animal rights activists target them too. Said to be on the bubble are the Rams, the Eagles and the Dolphins, to begin with.

Replacement names being batted about the league include the Horned Fuzzy Mammals, the Our Little Feathered Friends and the Flippers.

__/|\__

Make Frank Michaels's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 1?

9 11 2 21

Go to top