Written by Lady Godiva
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Topics: Susan Boyle, Netball

Thursday, 8 April 2010

image for Netball Superleague News - Subo To Join Surrey Steamers
Old man who suffered 'road rage' at the hands and head of star Netball Player

Superleague leaders, Surrey Steamers lost by 18 goals to a much-improved Northern Reflections, who produced some neat passages of play to surge ahead to a 54-36 lead by the end of the first quarter.

During the rest of the game, both sides played pretty pathetically. Two of the Surrey Steamers broke down in tears and were taken off by medics. It's though it may be 'their time of the month'.

Tasha Swan, of Northern Reflections, started pulling the hair of members of the opposing team successfully dragging two of them to the floor. Tasha was sent off and as she left she 'mooned' the Surrey Steamers. Two of the Surrey Steamers were so shocked, they passed out, hit their heads on the ground, suffering concussions, they too were removed on stretchers.

The match went downhill after that.

It was announced at the end of the match that Surrey Steamers are set to sign Susan Boyle as soon as she has a break in her busy 'touring' schedule.

Susan played netball at school with as much passion as she put into her singing. She is reported to be keen to get back into the sport. She is a good all round player and can play any postion on court.

Coach, Shufflebottom, said, at the end of the match, "I am gutted that we lost today but it was a great start to the match. I'm a bit embarassed by the behaviour of some of the players, but, Girls will be Girls.

I do hope Subo signs with us - it will be a good boost for morale and she can entertain the fans during breaks in the games. Hopefully she will be a good influence on the girls, who have been lacking a good role model themselves for a number of years."

The team has been in the news lately as a result of the anti-social actions of their captain.

Captain, Sarah Pottymouth is said to be returning to the team next week when she finishes serving her 4-month prison sentence for Road Rage.

Sarah was apparently cut off at an intersection and followed the elderly male driver home. On arriving in his driveway, Sarah pulled in behind him, approached the 87 year old, one-legged, one armed driver as he pulled himself out of the driver's seat into his wheelchair. She proceeded to give the frail octogenarian a 'Liverpool Kiss', knocking him to the ground. Following this heartlesss attack on the old fella she whipped his wheelchair out from under him and placed it behind her vehicle. She reversed over the wheelchair and then put her car in gear, speeding off down the road.

Neighbours had taken down her 'plate' number and when police and ambulance arrived on scene, the information was passed over to the police. They quickly apprehended Sarah and she was dealt with, appropriately, by the courts.

Coach, Anita (Gobby) Shufflebottom had been approached by many fans to kick Sarah off the team for good as this wasn't her first conviction for elder abuse. They continued to say that Sarah was not a good role model for young girls following the Sport of Netball.

Coach 'Gobby' refused to comment.

She said to our reporter that she hoped that Susan Boyle would help tame this fiery Captain. "If anyone can do it, Subo can," she concluded.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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